on friends and enemies...
I had a strange moment of realization... Most of my best friendships (and I don't mean to use "best friend" in the cliche sense, but in the superlative sense, where these friends were the ones I have been closest to and most connected with) started out as oppositional relationships, in a way. I don't mean the apathetic kind of feeling, when you don't know a person well enough to hold an opinion. No, these feelings (toward me, at least) tended to be very negative.With one, we were competitors throughout middle and high school. In all the honors and AP classes together, competing for the top marks. I thrive on competition - I work better under pressure (it seems). But for him, I seemed a cold, calculating, driven competitor that cared for nothing but grades. Sure, I did care about doing well (I had the pressure of having to put myself through college based on my achievements), but I never gave him the chance (nor did he attempt) to get to know me past that facade of ambition. Then, I met his boyfriend and, by chance, we became good friends. And--partly because I was privy to something secret about him, and partly because he realized that beneath the valedictorian lived a human--we became inseparable for a long time.... until college separated us all.
Another was smitten with a boy who had adored me for many years. Youthful jealousy turned her against me, without really knowing me. I can't even remember how things changed... one day, we barely spoke, another we were painting fences together, and another we were sharing things we didn't think I'd ever share. We're still as close...
Do I have a sign on my forehead that says "Hate me before you can love me?" Or, perhaps, you have to respect someone to really hate them. And that respect is more easily turned to love. I'm grateful for the good friends I've had. I just wish it weren't so hard to get to know me. I'm working on it.
