on hot showers...
I always take hot showers (if possible). Not just the warm type of hot, but scalding hot... the hot that tickles your pain receptors... the hot that colors your skin red... the hot that steams up the bathroom mirrors until you can't even see your reflection...
If a shower isn't
that hot, it doesn't make me feel clean... no matter how much soap and shampoo I may use. Maybe it's a psychological cleansing, as well... one that often requires a small dose of pain. But the real pain is in cold showers -- pure torture, which I can't handle. When forced to (for lack of heat) I made miraculous leaps into and out of the shower every 5 seconds.
Some have told me that my habit is unhealthy -- damaging and drying to the skin... not to mention the fact that my gas bill will be through the roof! Still, there is nothing more cleansing or refreshing than stepping out of the shower a slight shade of pink and wrapping myself in a robe to keep in the heat as long as possible.
on getting tested...
All day, I've been stuffing my brain with neuroscientific facts. Somewhere between the Raphe nuclei and Ruffini Endings, I began to wonder whether this exam might really be my last. Next semester (my last) looks like a final paper-heavy semester... and if I never do end up going to graduate school... this will be it. This could be the last time I'm ever tested for my knowledge in a timed fashion.
Of course, the counter-argument is that we're all being tested at every point in our lives. Sometimes, those tests are less obvious than other times. Still, those tests are usually not the ones you spend hours on end preparing for, cramming information for. Those aren't the tests that trivialize your ability to think into an exam of rote memorization.
Am I sad? I dreamed of this day in high school. I recall (so how many synonyms for memory can I use in this post?) talking with my best friend at the time about how we were tired of being quizzed on useless information that we'd never use again. I don't know if I'll ever need to know what an NMDA receptor is again, but I must say, I'm proud to know.
If this is my last test, let me go out with a bang.
Moving things around...
There are times when your surroundings make life so heavy that it's difficult to breathe, to exist, in them. That is how I felt when I finally walked into my room after a 6 hour drive and unloading all my things. My room, though small already, this time felt the size of a cardboard box with lots of clutter in it.
As long as I can remember, whenever I've gotten frustrated with my life or myself, I've started cleaning, organizing, and moving things around, as if changing my physical surroundings would change my inner state of being.
I spent the next 4 or 5 hours rearranging and reorganizing everything in my room. I even changed the height of my bed (which wasn't easy to do!). I slept better last night than I have in a long time. That alone made the effort worth it.
I sit now on my bed, breathing easier. I didn't follow the Feng Shui rules of decorating, aside from being able to see the door from my bed. Still, there is a lighter atmosphere here. Perhaps, it's just the feeling of new-ness, as if I've just moved in and now can start all over.
